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经典英文幽默集锦1

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发表于 2007-9-8 11:38 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式 来自: 中国上海
Money is not everything. There‘s Mastercard & Visa.
   钞票不是万能的,有时还需要信用卡.
  
   One should love animals. They are so tasty.
   每个人都应该热爱动物,因为它们很好吃.
  
   Love the neighbor. But don‘t get caught.
   要用心去爱你的邻居,不过不要让她的老公知道.
  
   Behind every successful man, there is a woman. And behind every   unsuccessful man, there are two.
   每个成功男人的背后都有一个女人,每个不成功男人的背后都有两个女人。
  
   Every man should marry. After all, happiness is not the only thing in life.
   再快乐的单身汉迟早也会结婚,幸福不是永久的嘛.
  
   The wise never marry, And when they marry they become otherwise.
   聪明人都是未婚的,结婚的人很难再聪明起来.
  
   Success is a relative term. It brings so many relatives.
   成功是一个相关名词,他会给你带来很多不相关的亲戚(联系).
  
   Never put off the work till tomorrow what you can put off today.
   不要等明天交不上差再找借口, 今天就要找好.
  
   Love is photogenic. It needs darkness to develop.
   爱情就象照片,需要大量的暗房时间来培养.
  
   Children in backseats cause accidents. Accidents in backseats cause children.
   后排座位上的小孩会生出意外, 后排座位上的意外会生出小孩.
  
   "Your future depends on your dreams." So go to sleep.
   "现在的梦想决定着你的将来",所以还是再睡一会吧.
  
   There should be a better way to start a day than waking up every morning.
   应该有更好的方式开始新一天,而不是千篇一律的在每个上午都醒来.
  
   "Hard work never kills anybody." But why take the risk? "
   努力工作不会导致死亡!"不过我不会用自己去证明.
  
   "Work fascinates me." I can look at it for hours! "
   工作好有意思耶!"尤其是看着别人工作.

   God made relatives; Thank God we can choose our friends.
   神决定了谁是你的亲戚,幸运的是在选择朋友方面他给了你留了余地。
  
   When two‘s company, three‘s the result!
   两个人的状态是不稳定的,三个人才是!
  
   A dress is like a barbed fence. It protects the premises without restricting the view.
   服饰就象铁丝网,它阻止你冒然行动,但并不妨碍你尽情地观看.
  
   The more you learn, the more you know, The more you know, the more you forget. The more you forget, the less you know. So why bother to learn.
   学的越多,知道的越多, 知道的越多;忘记的越多, 忘记的越多;知道的越少, 为什么学来着?!
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龙船学院
 楼主| 发表于 2007-9-8 11:40 | 显示全部楼层 来自: 中国上海

Very Short Stories

We'll be brief: Hemingway once wrote a story in just six words ("For sale: baby shoes, never worn.") and is said to have called it his best work. So we asked sci-fi, fantasy, and horror writers from the realms of books, TV, movies, and games to take a shot themselves.

Failed SAT. Lost scholarship. Invented rocket.
- William Shatner

Computer, did we bring batteries? Computer?
- Eileen Gunn

Vacuum collision. Orbits diverge. Farewell, love.
- David Brin

Gown removed carelessly. Head, less so.
- Joss Whedon

Automobile warranty expires. So does engine.
- Stan Lee

Machine. Unexpectedly, I’d invented a time
- Alan Moore

Longed for him. Got him. Shit.
- Margaret Atwood

His penis snapped off; he’s pregnant!
- Rudy Rucker

From torched skyscrapers, men grew wings.
- Gregory Maguire

Internet “wakes up?” Ridicu -
no carrier.
- Charles Stross

With bloody hands, I say good-bye.
- Frank Miller

Wasted day. Wasted life. Dessert, please.
- Steven Meretzky

“Cellar?” “Gate to, uh … hell, actually.”
- Ronald D. Moore

Epitaph: Foolish humans, never escaped Earth.
- Vernor Vinge

It cost too much, staying human.
- Bruce Sterling

We kissed. She melted. Mop please!
- James Patrick Kelly

It’s behind you! Hurry before it
- Rockne S. O’Bannon

I’m your future, child. Don’t cry.
- Stephen Baxter

1940: Young Hitler! Such a cantor!
- Michael Moorcock

Lie detector eyeglasses perfected: Civilization collapses.
- Richard Powers

I’m dead. I’ve missed you. Kiss … ?
- Neil Gaiman

The baby’s blood type? Human, mostly.
- Orson Scott Card

Kirby had never eaten toes before.
- Kevin Smith

Rained, rained, rained, and never stopped.
- Howard Waldrop

To save humankind he died again.
- Ben Bova

We went solar; sun went nova.
- Ken MacLeod

Husband, transgenic mistress; wife: “You cow!”
- Paul Di Filippo

“I couldn’t believe she’d shoot me.”
- Howard Chaykin

Don’t marry her. Buy a house.
- Stephen R. Donaldson

Broken heart, 45, WLTM disabled man.
- Mark Millar

TIME MACHINE REACHES FUTURE!!! … nobody there …
- Harry Harrison

Tick tock tick tock tick tick.
- Neal Stephenson

Easy. Just touch the match to
- Ursula K. Le Guin

Special Web-only edition: We were unable to include these 59 stories in the print magazine.

New genes demand expression -- third eye.
- Greg Bear

K.I.A. Baghdad, Aged 18 - Closed Casket
- Richard K. Morgan

WORLD'S END. Sic transit gloria Monday.
- Gregory Benford

Epitaph: He shouldn't have fed it.
- Brian Herbert

Batman Sues Batsignal: Demands Trademark Royalties.
- Cory Doctorow

Heaven falls. Details at eleven.
- Robert Jordan

Bush told the truth. Hell froze.
- William Gibson

whorl. Help! I'm caught in a time
- Darren Aronofsky and Ari Handel

Nevertheless, he tried a third time.
- James P. Blaylock

God to Earth: “Cry more, noobs!”
- Marc Laidlaw

Help! Trapped in a text adventure!
- Marc Laidlaw

Thought I was right. I wasn't.
- Graeme Gibson

Lost, then found. Too bad.
- Graeme Gibson

Three to Iraq. One came back.
- Graeme Gibson

Rapture postponed. Ark demanded! Which one?
- David Brin

Dinosaurs return. Want their oil back.
- David Brin

Bang postponed. Not Big enough. Reboot.
- David Brin

Temporal recursion. I'm dad and mom?
- David Brin

Time Avenger's mistaken! It wasn't me...
- David Brin

Democracy postponed. Whence franchise? Ask Diebold...
- David Brin

Cyborg seeks egg donor, object ___.
- David Brin

Deadline postponed. Five words enough...?
- David Brin

Metrosexuals notwithstanding, quiche still lacks something.
- David Brin

Brevity’s virtue? Wired saves adspace. Subscribe!
- David Brin

Death postponed. Metastasized cells got organized.
- David Brin

Microsoft gave us Word. Fiat lux?
- David Brin

Mind of its own. Damn lawnmower.
- David Brin

Singularity postponed. Datum missing. Query Godoogle?
- David Brin

Please, this is everything, I swear.
- Orson Scott Card

I saw, darling, but do lie.
- Orson Scott Card

Osama’s time machine: President Gore concerned.
- Charles Stross

Sum of all fears: AND patented.
- Charles Stross

Ships fire; princess weeps, between stars.
- Charles Stross

Mozilla devastates Redmond, Google’s nuke implicated.
- Charles Stross

Will this do (lazy writer asked)?
- Ken MacLeod

Cryonics: Disney thawed. Mickey gnawed. Omigawd.
- Eileen Gunn

WIRED stimulates the planet: Utopia blossoms!
- Paul Di Filippo

Clones demand rights: second Emancipation Proclamation.
- Paul Di Filippo

MUD avatars rebel: virtual Independence Day.
- Paul Di Filippo

We crossed the border; they killed us.
- Howard Waldrop

H-bombs dropped; we all died.
- Howard Waldrop

Your house is mine: soft revolution.
- Howard Waldrop

Warskiing; log; prop in face.
- Howard Waldrop

The Axis in WWII: haiku! Gesundheit.
- Howard Waldrop

Salinger story: three koans in fountain.
- Howard Waldrop

Finally, he had no more words.
- Gregory Maguire

There were only six words left.
- Gregory Maguire

In the beginning was the word.
- Gregory Maguire

Commas, see, add, like, nada, okay?
- Gregory Maguire

Weeping, Bush misheard Cheney’s deathbed advice.
- Gregory Maguire

Corpse parts missing. Doctor buys yacht.
- Margaret Atwood

Starlet sex scandal. Giant squid involved.
- Margaret Atwood

He read his obituary with confusion.
- Steven Meretzky

Time traveler's thought: "What's the password?"
- Steven Meretzky

I win lottery. Sun goes nova.
- Steven Meretzky

Steve ignores editor's word limit and
- Steven Meretzky

Leia: "Baby's yours." Luke: "Bad news…"
- Steven Meretzky

Parallel universe. Bush, destitute, joins army.
- Steven Meretzky

Dorothy: "Fuck it, I'll stay here."
- Steven Meretzky
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发表于 2007-9-8 12:56 | 显示全部楼层 来自: 中国上海
顶啊,好帖
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发表于 2007-9-8 16:32 | 显示全部楼层 来自: 中国湖北武汉
看不下去啊!太长了……
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头像被屏蔽
发表于 2007-9-8 16:55 | 显示全部楼层 来自: 中国浙江杭州
看不懂。。。。
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发表于 2007-9-16 10:27 | 显示全部楼层 来自: 中国江苏镇江
Use english!尽管 your english is not good,if you use it every day you will find it not
difficult .
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