英语每日一笑（天天更新）

老于 · 发表于 2008-1-21 08:47

Mushroom and Toadstool

Younger Scout: How can I tell the difference between a mushroom and a toadstool?

Older Scout: Just eat one before you go to bed. If you wake up the next morning, it was a mushroom.

蘑菇与毒蕈

年少的童子军：我怎样才能把蘑菇和毒蕈区别开呢？

年长的童子军：上床前吃一个。如果你第二天早上醒来，那就是蘑菇。

老于 · 发表于 2008-1-21 08:48

A Question

Professor: Before we begin the examination are there any question?

Student: What's the name of this course?

一个问题

教授：在开始考试之前，还有什么问题吗？

学生：考试科目的名称是什么？

老于 · 发表于 2008-1-21 08:48

Hen's Legs

Son: Why are hen's legs so short?

Dad: You're a fool. If the hen's legs were too long, wouldn't they drop their eggs into pieces when laying?

母鸡的腿

儿子：为什么母鸡的腿这么短呢？

父亲：你真笨。如果母鸡的腿太长，它们下蛋的时候，鸡蛋岂不都摔碎了？

老于 · 发表于 2008-1-21 08:48

Clever Thieves

Police: When can it be that the thieves broke into your house?

Owner: How could I know as my watch was stolen?

聪明的小偷

警察：你估计小偷是什么时候进入你家的？

失主：我的手表都被偷走了，我怎么知道是什么时候？

老于 · 发表于 2008-1-21 08:49

Birthday

Professor: When is your birthday?

Kid: May 30.

Professor: Which year?

Kid: Every year.

生日

教授：你的生日是什么时候？

孩子：5月30日。

教授：哪一年？

孩子：每年都是。

老于 · 发表于 2008-1-21 08:49

I am the Driver

The bus was crowded, and as one more man tried to get on, the passengers wouldn't let him aboard.

"It's too crowded," they shouted. "What do you think you are?"

"I'm the driver," he said.

我是司机

一辆公共汽车已经相当拥挤，还有一个人想挤进来，乘客不让他上去。

“太挤了，”他们喊道，“你以为你是谁？”

“我是司机。”他回答说。

老于 · 发表于 2008-1-21 08:49

An Ugly Woman

Mike: My aunt was very embarrassed when she was asked to take off her mask at the party.

Mary: Why was that?

Mike: She wasn't wearing one.

丑女

麦克：一次舞会上，当大家要求我姑姑拿掉她的面具时，她非常尴尬。

玛丽：为什么会那样呢？

麦克：她根本就没有带面具。

老于 · 发表于 2008-1-21 08:50

Coincidence

A woman was singing. One of the guests turned to a man by his side and criticized the singer.

"What a terrible voice!" he said. "Do you know who she is?"

"Yes," was the answer. "She is my wife."

"Oh, I beg your pardon." The man said, "Of course her voice is not bad, but the song is very bad. I wonder who wrote that awful song."

"I did." was the answer.

巧合

一位女士正在唱歌。一位客人转身对他旁边的男士批评道：

“多难听的嗓音！”他说，“你知道她是谁吗？”

“知道，”男士回答，“她是我太太。”

“噢，请你原谅。”客人说，“当然，她的嗓音并不坏，但那歌实在太差了。我想知道那是谁写的歌。”

“是我。”男士回答道。

benben89 · 发表于 2008-1-21 09:56

Father: Jack， why do you drink so much water?
Jack: I have just had an apple， Dad.
Father: What’s that got to do with it?
Jack: I forgot to wash the apple.

中文：
爸爸：杰克，你干嘛喝这么多水呀？
杰克：我刚才吃了个苹果，爸爸。
爸爸：可是这跟喝水有什么关系呢？
杰克：我忘了洗苹果呀。

benben89 · 发表于 2008-1-21 09:59

A man goes to church and starts talking to God. He says: "God, what is a million dollars to you?" and God says: "A penny", then the man says: "God, what is a million years to you?" and God says: "a second", then the man says: "God, can I have a penny?" and God says "In a second"

一男子进入教堂和上帝对话.他问:"主啊, 一百万美元对你意味着多少?"上帝回答:"一便士."男子又问:"那一百万年呢?"上帝说:"一秒钟."最后男子请求道:"上帝,我能得到一便士吗?"上帝回答:"过一秒钟."

benben89 · 发表于 2008-1-21 10:00

One day a visitor from the city came to a small rural area to drive around the country roads, see how the farms looked, and perhaps to see how farmers earned their living. The city man saw a farmer in his yard, holding a pig up in his hands, and lifting it so that the pig could eat apples from an apple tree. The city man said to the farmer," I see that your pig likes apples, but isn"t that quite a waste of time?" The farmer replied," What"s time to a pig?"

一天，有一个城市里的游客来到一个小乡村，在乡间路上开着车，想看看农庄是什么样子，也想看看农夫怎样种田过日子。这位城里人看见一位农夫在宅后的草地上，手中抱着一头猪，并把它举得高高的，好让它能够吃到树上的苹果。城里人对农夫说，"我看你的猪挺喜欢吃苹果的，但是，这不是很浪费时间吗?"那位农夫回答说，"时间对猪有什么意义?"

benben89 · 发表于 2008-1-21 10:01

A child on Christmas time asked for some paper and crayons in order to draw a crib. Eventually the artistic masterpiece was displayed for parental approval. The manager, the shepherds, Jesus and Holy Family wore duly admired.
"But what/'s that in the corner?" asked Mother.
"Oh, that/'s their telly," replied the tot.

圣诞节时孩子要了纸和蜡笔，想画一张耶稣诞生像。最后这件艺术品被陈列出来供父母鉴赏。
他们对耶稣诞生后睡的马槽，牧羊人，耶稣及其家庭都逐一表示赞赏。
“可是那个角落里是什么？”妈妈问。
“噢，那是他们的电视机，”孩子回答说。

benben89 · 发表于 2008-1-21 10:04

Tommy: How is your little brother, Johnny? Johnny: He is ill in bed. He hurt himself.
Tommy: That's too bad. How did that happen?
Johnny: We played who could lean furthest out of the window, and he won.

他赢了
汤姆：约翰尼，你小弟弟好吗？
约翰尼：他害病卧床了。他受了伤。
汤姆：真糟糕，怎么回事儿？
约翰尼：我们做游戏，看谁能把身子探出窗外最远，他赢了。

benben89 · 发表于 2008-1-21 10:05

Ivan came home with a bloody nose and his mother asked, "What happened?"
"A kid bit me," replied Ivan.
"Would you recognize him if you saw him again?" asked his mother.
"I'd know him any where," said Ivan. "I have his ear in my pocket."
伊凡鼻子流着血回到家里。他妈妈问，“发生了什么事？”
“一个男孩咬了我一口，”伊凡说。
“再见到他你能认出来吗？”妈妈问。
“他走到哪里我都能认出他，”伊凡说。“他的耳朵还在我衣兜里呢。”

benben89 · 发表于 2008-1-22 07:56

A new restaurant opened in our town， so my husband， Walter， and I decided to try it. As the waitress took our order，
Walter asked if the coffee was fresh. "I'm sure it is，" answered the waitress. "We've only been open two weeks."
　　镇上开了家新餐馆，我丈夫Walter和我决定去尝尝。女招待给我们写菜时，Walter问餐馆的咖啡是否新鲜。“绝对新鲜，”，女招待回答
说，“我们才刚开了两星期。”

老于 · 发表于 2008-1-22 08:09

Six or Twelve?

A blonde went into a pizza parlor. When she said that she‘d like a medium pizza, the clerk asked her how many pieces she‘d like to have it cut into: six or twelve. “Oh, goodness, six please,” said the blonde. “I don‘t think I could ever eat twelve.”

六还是十二？

　　一位金发女郎走进一家比萨店，她说想要一个中比萨，店员问她希望把比萨切成六块还是十二块。“噢，天啊，请帮我切成六块。”女郎说，“我可不认为我可以吃得下十二块。”

老于 · 发表于 2008-1-22 08:10

Clean Glass

Joe and Fred were helping to build a house in a village. The weather was very warm, there was a lot of dust everywhere, and by half past twelve, they were very thirsty, so they stopped work to have their lunch. They found the nearest small bar, went in and sat down with their sandwiches.

"Good afternoon, gentlemen. What can I get you?" the man behind the bar asked.

Joe looked at Fred and said, "Beer, I think. Yes, a pint of beer each. Is that all right for you, Fred?"

"Yes, that's all right." Fred said. Then he turned to the man behind the bar and said, "And I want it in a clean glass! Don't forget that."

The man behind the bar filled the glasses and brought them to Joe and Fred. Then he said. "Which of you asked for the clean glass?"

干净的杯子

　　乔和佛瑞德在一个村子里帮忙盖一间房子。天气很暖和，到处都有许多灰尘。12点半的时候，他们觉得非常口渴，便停下来去吃午饭了。他们找到最近的一家酒吧，走进去坐下吃他们的三文治。

　　“下午好，先生。你们想要点什么？”柜台后面的伺应问道。

　　乔看了看佛瑞德说：“我想，啤酒吧。对了，每人一品脱啤酒。这样可以吗，佛瑞德？”

　　“好的，可以。”佛瑞德说。然后他转过去跟柜台后面的伺应说：“我要啤酒装在一个干净的杯子里！别忘了。”

　　柜台后面的伺应倒满杯子后，拿给乔和佛瑞德，接着说：“刚才哪一位要干净的杯子的？”

老于 · 发表于 2008-1-22 08:10

Not too Bad

"Did you sell any of your paintings at the art show?"

"No, but I am encouraged," he replied. "Somebody stole one."

不算太坏

“你的画在美术展上有卖出去吗？”

“没有，但我还是受到了鼓励，”他回答说，“有人偷走了一幅。”

老于 · 发表于 2008-1-22 08:11

When a Tiger comes

Two guys were walking through the jungle. All of a sudden, a tiger appears from a distance, running towards them.

One of the guys takes out a pair of "Nikes" from his bag and starts to put them on. The other guy with a surprised look and exclaims, "Do you think you will run faster than the tiger with those?"

His friend replies: "I don't have to out run it, I just have to run faster than you."

老虎来了

　　两个男人正在穿过丛林，突然，一只老虎出现在远处，向他们冲来。

　　当中的一个人从包里拿出一双“耐克”跑鞋，开始穿上。另一个人惊奇地看着他说，“你以为穿上跑鞋就可以跑得过老虎吗？”

　　他的朋友回答道：“我不用跑得过它，我只要跑得比你快就行了。”

哈哈啊地乃棵就是好推荐

老于 · 发表于 2008-1-22 08:12

I am a Busy Man

One day a bunch of naughty children wanted to make fun of him and said to him:" There are birds' eggs on that tree. Won't you get them for us please? We can't climb up."

Loath to disappoint the children, he was ready to climb the tree. But knowing that the mischievous youngsters would make off with his boots if he left them on the ground, he tied them to his waist-band before he started the climb.

"We'll take care of your boots for you!" the children chorused.

"No, thank you!" was he reply. "I am a busy man. And as soon as I've got the eggs for you, I'll make my way home along the tree-tops."

我是个忙人

　　有一天，一群顽皮的孩子想捉弄他，便对他说：“那树上有鸟蛋，请你替我们拿下来好吗？我们爬不上去。”他不想使孩子们失望，便准备爬上树去。但是他知道如果把靴子留在地上，这群顽皮的小鬼一定会把靴子拿走，于是他先把靴子系在腰带上，然后开始爬树。

　　孩子们齐声说：“我们会替你保管好你的靴子的。”

　　他回答道：“谢谢你们，不必了。我是个忙人。替你们取到蛋后，我就要沿着树顶走回家的。”

英语每日一笑（天天更新）

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