英语每日一笑（天天更新）

老于 · 发表于 2008-1-17 07:53

是他的错

比利和波比得出是小男孩。他们是兄弟，两人经常打架。

上个星期六，他们的妈妈对他们说：“我现在要做午饭了。去，到花园去玩吧，别淘气。”

“是，妈妈，”两个男孩回答，然后他们就出去了。

他们在花园里玩了半个小时，然后比利跑进了厨房。“妈妈，”他说：“波比打碎了艾伦太太家的窗玻离。”艾伦太太是他们的邻居。

“他是个坏孩子，”他的妈妈说。“他是怎么把玻璃打碎的？”

“我朝他扔了一块石子，”比利回答：“他赶紧蹲下。”

老于 · 发表于 2008-1-17 07:55

Alexander the Great

Landon had made an unsuccessful attempt at the recitation, and the doctor, somewhat nettled, said:"Landon, you don’t seem to be getting on very fast in this subject. You seem to lack ambition. Why, at your age Alexander the Great had conquered half the world."

"Yes," said Landon,"he couldn’t help it, for you will recall the fact, doctor, that Alexander the Great had Aristotle for a teacher."

亚历山大大帝

兰登作了一次不成功的朗诵。老师有点不悦，对他说道：“兰登，你在这门课上好像进步不大，你好像缺乏志向。亚历山大大帝在你这个年龄可已经征服了半个世界。”

“是啊，”兰登说，“他没法不那样。博士先生，您回想一下史实，亚历山大大帝有亚里士多德做他的老师。”

老于 · 发表于 2008-1-17 07:55

The Right Leg

Proctor (exceedingly angry): "So you confess that this unfortunate freshman was carried to this frog pond and drenched? now what part did you take in this disgraceful affair?"

Soph. (meekly): "The right leg, sir."

右腿

学监（非常生气）：“现在你承认这可怜的新生被扔进这蛙池里浑身湿透？那么你在这不光彩的事情里扮演了什么角色呢？”

二年级学生（恭顺地）：“右腿，先生。”

老于 · 发表于 2008-1-17 07:57

An Absent-Minded Professor

A notoriously absent-minded professor was one day observed walking along the street with one foot continually in the gutter, the other on the pavement.

A pupil meeting him said:

"Good evening, professor. How are you?"

"Well," answered the professor, "I thought I was all right when I left home, but now I don’t know what’s the matter with me. I’ve been limping for the last half-hour."

心不在焉在老师

有一天，人们看见一个有名的心不在焉的老师在路上走，他的一只脚一直踏在街沟里，另一只脚踩在人行道上。

一个碰见他的学生说：

“晚字，老师。您怎么了？”

“啊，”这位老师回答说：“我想我离开家的时候还挺好的，可是现在我不知道出了什么毛病。我已经一瘸一拐走了半个小时了。”

哈哈哈哈 · 发表于 2008-1-17 12:55

A great Paris banker begged Horace Vernet , the celebrated painter, to do a little thing for his album.
　　The painter did the little thing and asked 1000 francs. "Why, it only took you five minutes to draw it,"said the banker,
　　"Yes,"replied the painter, "but it took me thirty years to learn how to do it in five minutes."

　　银行家和画家
　　巴黎的一个大银行家请求著名的画家霍拉斯·凡尔纳在题词簿上稍微画饰一下.
　　画家稍许画饰之后要价1000法朗.银行家说:"为什么,你只花了五分钟作画."
　　画家答道:"是的,但是为了学会这五分钟作画,我却花了30年的时间."

ericcx · 发表于 2008-1-17 14:37

看过了.........

老于 · 发表于 2008-1-18 08:04

Big Surprise

Visitor: Is this a healthy place to live in?

Local yokel:Yes, sir. When I arrived here, I couldn't walk or

eat solid food.

Visitor: What was the matter with you?

Local yokel:Nothing---I was born here.

大吃一惊

游客：住在这样一个地方是不是有益于健康？

乡下佬：是的，先生。我刚到这时，我既不会走路也不能吃硬的东西。

游客：你怎么了？

乡下佬：没什么－－我就出生在这个地方。

[ 本帖最后由老于于 2008-1-18 08:05 编辑 ]

老于 · 发表于 2008-1-18 08:05

A Very Patient Pooch

There was a barber in a developing country who had a little shed at the roadside to cut hair, and a certain man used to come in regularly for haircuts. One day he noticed that a dog was always sitting underneath, near the chair where the customers sat for their haircuts. So the man asked the barber, "Is that your dog?" And the barber replied, "No, he always comes every day. It's not my dog. I don't know whose dog it is." Then the customer asked, "So if it's not your dog, you never feed him, right?" And the barber said, "No." And the customer said, "Then why does he always come here every day?" And the barber answered, "He's waiting in case an ear comes off."

耐心的狗

一处简陋的乡下，一位理发师傅在路边的小棚子帮人理发。有位经常来理发的男士，注意到有一只狗老是喜欢坐在客人的座椅旁边，于是他问师傅：「那是你的狗吗？」师傅答：「不，不是我的狗，我不知道那是谁的狗，不过，它每天都会来。」那个客人又问：「不是你的狗，那你从来没有喂过它吗？」师傅回答：「没有。」客人又问：「那它为什么每天都来？」师傅回答：「它在等看看有没有耳朵掉下来。」

老于 · 发表于 2008-1-18 08:06

Helping with Math

A primary school boy came home and asked his father, "Father, this mathematics question is very difficult. Can you help me, please?" The father came over and the son said, "In this homework, the teacher said, "Suppose your father earns only one thousand dollars per month, and your mother spends about one thousand seven hundred dollars per month. So, what is the answer?" The father said, "Oh, this you have to go and ask your mother. She is the expert!"

帮忙做数学

有一个小学生回家问他父亲：‘爸爸，这一题数学好难，你可不可以教我？’爸爸走过来以后，小孩说老师的作业题目是：‘假设你爸爸每个月赚一千元，而你妈妈每个月花一千七百元，答案是什么？’父亲回答说：‘喔！这个要问你妈妈，她是专家！’

老于 · 发表于 2008-1-18 08:08

Mrs. Brown: Oh, my dear, I have lost my precious little dog!
　　Mrs. Smith: But you must put an advertisement in the papers!

　　Mrs. Brown: It's no use, my little dog can't read.

　　我的狗不识字

　　布朗夫人：哦，

　　亲爱的，我把珍爱的小狗给丢了！

　　史密斯夫人：可是你该在报纸上登广告啊！

　　布朗夫人：没有用的，我的小狗不认识字。”

老于 · 发表于 2008-1-18 08:17

Much Worse

Policeman: Why didn't you shout for help when you were robbed of your watch?

Man: If I had opened my mouth, they'd have found my four gold teeth. That would be much worse.

那就更糟了

警察：有人抢你的手表时，你为什么不呼救呢？

男子：要是我张口的话，他们就会发现我的四颗金牙。那就更糟了。

老于 · 发表于 2008-1-18 08:18

Two Birds

Teacher: Here are two birds, one is a swallow, the other is

sparrow. Now who can tell us which is which?

Student: I cannot point out but I know the answer.

Teacher: Please tell us.

Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is

beside the swallow.

两只鸟

老师：这儿有两只鸟，一只是麻雀。谁能指出哪只是燕子，哪只是麻雀吗？

学生：我指不出，但我知道答案。

老师：请说说看。

学生：燕子旁边的就是麻雀，麻雀旁边的就是燕子。

哈哈哈哈 · 发表于 2008-1-18 13:19

I Am Not Wrong

　　Eleanor's younger brother Freder was a simple youth. On day, Eleanor's husband, Babo, went to Africa in a hunting trip accompanied by Freder. About 3 weeks later, she received a telegram from her brother saying: "Bano died in hunting a lion." In great sorrow, Eleanor sent an answer to her brother saying: "Send the dead body home."

　　Three weeks later, a parcel arrived from Africa in which was the corpse of a lion.

　　Eleanor sent an urgent telegram back to Freder: "Lion received. You are wrong. Wanted dead Babo." The next day she received a final telegram from Freder: "I'm not wrong. Babo and one of my legs are in the abdominal cavity of the lion."

　　我没弄错

　　埃莉诺的弟弟菜弗雷德尔是一个头脑简单的年轻人。一天．他陪埃莉诺的丈夫鲍勃去非洲打猎。三个星期之后，埃莉诺接到弟弟的一封电报。电文如下：“鲍劲在猎狮时死亡。”

　　在极大的悲痛中，埃莉诺回电说：“把遗体运回。”

　　三个星期之后，从非洲运来了一个包裹，里团装的是一头狮了的尸体。

　　埃莉诺给弗雷德尔发了一封加急电报：“狮子已收到。你弄错了。把鲍勃的遗体运回。”

　　第二天．她接到了弗雷德尔发来的最后一封电报：”我没错，鲍勃和我的一条腿在狮子的腹腔内。”

哈哈哈哈 · 发表于 2008-1-18 13:20

Bill is a good student and an intelligent boy. He likes to study arithmetic, and he can do all of the arithmetic problems in his book easily.

One day on his way to school Bill passed a fruit store. There was a sign in the window which said, "Apple-Six for five cents." An idea came to Bill and he went into the store.

"How much are the apples?" he asked the store.

"Six for five cents."

"But I don't want six apples."

"How many apples do you want?"

"It is not a question of how many apples I want. It is a problem in arithmetic."

"What do you mean by a problem in arithmetic?" asked the man.

"Well, if six apples are wroth five cents, then five apples are worth four cents, four apples are worth three cents, three apples are worth rwo cents, two apples are worth one cent and one apple is worth nothing. I only want one apple, and if one apple is worth nothing then it is not necessary for me to pay you."

Bill picked out a good apple, began to eat it, and walked happily out of the store. The man looked at the young boy with such surprise that he could not say a word.

比尔是一个好学生，也是个聪明的孩子。他喜欢学数学，课本上所有的数学问题他都能不费劲地解答。

有一天，在上学路上，比尔经过一家水果店。该店窗户上有个招牌上写着：“苹果--五美分六个。”比尔脑筋一转，进了店门。

“苹果怎么卖？”

“五美分六个。”

“但我不想要六个。”

“你想要几个？”

“这不是我想要几个的问题。这是个数学问题。”

“数学问题？你说这话是什么意思？”

“你看，如果六个苹果五美分，那么五个苹果四美分，四个苹果三美分，三个苹果二美分，二个苹果一美分，一个苹果就不要钱。我只要一个苹果，如果一个苹果一分钱也不要的话，那我也就没必要给你钱了。”

比尔拣了一个好苹果，开始吃了起来，然后兴高采烈地迈出了店门。那个售货员吃惊地望着这个小男孩，一句话也说不出来。

老于 · 发表于 2008-1-19 11:39

女：say“i love you”，say it，come on！say it！

　　男：it！

老于 · 发表于 2008-1-19 11:43

When I was born, I was black.
當我出生時，我是黑色的

When I grow up, I am black.
我長大了，我是黑色的

When I'm under the sun, I'm black.
我在陽光下，我是黑色的

When I'm cold, I'm black.
我寒冷時，我是黑色的

When I'm afraid, I'm black.
我害怕時，我是黑色的

When I'm sick, I'm black.
我生病了，我是黑色的

When I die, I'm still black.
當我死了，我仍是黑色的。

you---white people,
你---白種人

When you were born, you were pink.
當你出生時，你是粉紅色的

When you grow up, you become white.
你長大了，變成白色的

You're red under the sun.
你在陽光下，你是紅色的

You're blue when you're cold.
你寒冷時，你是青色的

You are yellow when you're afraid.
你害怕時，你是黃色的

You're green when you're sick.
你生病時，你是綠色的

You're gray when you die.
當你死時，你是灰色的

And you, call me "color"?
而你，卻叫我「有色人種」？

老于 · 发表于 2008-1-19 11:44

A Smart Housewife.

　　A smart housewife was told that there was a kind of stove which would only consume half of the coal she was burning. She was very excited, and said: "That'll be terrific! Since one stove can save half of the coal, if I buy two, no coal will be needed!"

　　精明的家庭主妇

　　一位精明的家庭主妇听人说有一种炉子用起来可以比她现在用的炉子省一半的煤。她听了大为兴奋，说：“那太好了！一个炉子可以省一半的煤，那么如果我买两个炉子的话，不就可以把煤全都省下来了吗？”

老于 · 发表于 2008-1-19 11:45

Does the dog know the proverb,　too?

　　　 The little boy did not like the look of the barking dog.

　　　 "It's all right," said a gentleman, "don't be afraid. Don't you know the proverb: Barking dogs don't bite?"

　　　 "Ah, yes," answered the little boy. "I know the proverb, but does the dog know the proverb, too?"

　　狗也知道这个谚语吗？

　　　一个小男孩非常不喜欢狗狂叫的样子。

　　　“没有关系，”一位先生说，“不用害怕，你知道这条谚语吗：‘吠狗不咬人。’”

　　　“啊，我是知道，可是狗也知道吗？”

老于 · 发表于 2008-1-19 11:45

Where is the father?

　　　 Two brothers were looking at some beautiful paintings.

　　　 "Look," said the elder brother. "How nice these paintings are!"

　　　 "Yes," said the younger, "but in all these paintings there is only the mother and the children. Where is the father?"

　　　 The elder brother thought for a moment and then explained, "Obviously he was painting the pictures."

　　父亲在哪儿？

　　　兄弟俩在看一些漂亮的油画。

　　　 “看，”哥哥说，“这些画多漂亮呀！”

　　　 “是啊，”弟弟说道，“可是在所有这些画中，只有妈妈和孩子。那爸爸去哪儿了呢？”

　　　哥哥想了会儿，然后解释道：“很明显，他当时正在画这些画呗。”

老于 · 发表于 2008-1-19 11:46

When a group of women got on the car, every seat was already occupied. The conductor noticed a man who seemed to be asleep, and fearing he might miss his stop, he nudged him and said: "Wake up, sir!"

　　　"I wasn't asleep," the man answered.

　　　"Not asleep? But you had your eyes closed."

　　　"I know. I just hate to look at ladies standing up beside me in a crowded car."

　　我没有睡着

　　当一群妇女上车之后，车上的座位全都被占满了。售票员注意到一名男子好象是睡着了，他担心这个人会坐过站，就用肘轻轻地碰了碰他，说：“先生，醒醒！”

　　　 “我没有睡着。”那个男人回答。

　　　 “没睡着？可是你眼睛都闭上了呀？”

　　　 “我知道，我只是不愿意看到在拥挤的车上有女士站在我身边而已。”

英语每日一笑（天天更新）

评分

评分

评分

评分

The Banker and the Painter

评分

笑过了 ...........

评分

评分

评分

I Am Not Wrong

评分

一个数学问题

评分

评分

评分