英语每日一笑（天天更新）

老于 · 发表于 2008-1-14 08:10

A couple goes to an art gallery.
They find a picture of a naked woman with only her privates covered with leaves.
The wife doesn 't like it and moves on, but the husband keeps looking. T
he wife asks, "What are you waiting for? "
The husband replies, "autumn. "

秋天来了书页就掉了 I WAITING FOR .............

老于 · 发表于 2008-1-14 08:11

啊哈哈哈哈 TODAY IT IS ENOUGH

哈哈哈哈 · 发表于 2008-1-14 12:19

A young man, who appeared to enjoy robust health, was begging in the streets of Madrid. He applied to a gentleman, who, on looking at him, could not help saying to him, "Are you not ashamed, strong and healthy as you are, to beg instead of working."
　　 "Sir,"replied the beggar, with Castilian pride, "I asked you for money, not for advice.

高傲与贫穷
　　在马德里街头,一个看来体魄壮健的年轻人正在向一位绅士乞讨.绅士看着他忍不住说:"像你这样强壮而又健康的人不去工作却在乞讨,难道不觉得害羞吗?"
　　乞丐以纯粹西班牙人的高傲态度答道:"先生,我在向你讨钱,而不是在向你讨教."

cady · 发表于 2008-1-14 14:12

原帖由老于于 2008-1-13 11:09 发表
A woman goes to England to attend a 2-week company training session. Her husband drives her to the airport and wishes her to have a good trip.
The wife answered: Thank you honey, what would you lik ...

我想，她老公应该不是流鼻血，而是直接爆血管——脑溢血。

cady · 发表于 2008-1-14 14:16

狗看电影的我没笑，能解释一下吗？

老于 · 发表于 2008-1-15 09:05

An elephant said to a mouse ,"no doubt that you are the smallest znd most useless thing that Ihave e ver seen ."
"Pless ,say it again .Let me take it down ."the mouse said ."I will tell a flea what I know."

为我所用
一头大象对一只小老鼠说：“你无疑是我见过的最小、最没用的东西。”

“请再说一遍，让我把它记下来。”老鼠说。“我要讲给我认识的一只跳蚤听。

老于 · 发表于 2008-1-15 09:09

The Absent-minded Professor

An absent-minded professor was lecturing on anatomy.

"To show you more clearly what I mean, I have here a parcel with a dissected frog. I want you to examine it very carefully."

The professor unwrapped the parcel and saw that it contained two sandwiches and a hard-bioled egg. Astonished, the professor said, "I was sure I had eaten my lunch, but where is the frog?"

　　一位粗心的教授正在上解剖课。
“为了让你们更清楚地理解我所讲的内容，这个包里有一只解剖了的青蛙，你们要仔细地观察。”
教授打开包，里面竟是两个三明治和一个熟鸡蛋。教授十分惊讶：“我肯定是已经吃过午饭了，可是那只青蛙哪儿去了呢？”

老于 · 发表于 2008-1-15 09:10

I knew I could count on you!

Smith goes to see his boss in the front office. "Boss," he says: "we're doing some heavy house-cleaning at home tomorrow, and my wife needs me to help with the attic and the garage."
"We're short-handed, Smith." the boss replies. "I can't give you the day off."
"Thanks, boss," says Smith, "I knew I could count on you!"

史密斯去找他的老板。“老板，我们家明天有很重的工作要做，我妻子让我修阁楼和车库。”
“可我们很缺人，史密斯。”老板答道，“我不可能放你的假。”
“谢谢，老板。”史密斯说，“我就知道你会帮我。”

老于 · 发表于 2008-1-15 09:15

一天0和8在街上相遇，0不屑地看了8一眼说：“胖就胖呗，还系什么裤腰带啊？”

One day the Arabic number 0 met the Arabic number 8 in the street.O gave 8 a scornful glance abd said:"Since it is the fact that you are plump,is there any need to tie a waistband?"

老于 · 发表于 2008-1-15 09:15

“你的头发怎么一天比一天少？”“因为我天天都有忧虑的事。”“你每天都忧虑什么呢？”“我忧虑我的头发一天比一天少！”

"Why does your baidness get serious day by day?""Because I always have to worry about."Then what are you concerned of""I lose my hair every day."

老于 · 发表于 2008-1-15 09:16

想和你去看海，却把握不住莫测的未来；想和你去登山，却充满对理想的茫然；想和你去流浪，却到不了幸福的天堂；想和你去逛街，却碰到警察说――不许遛狗。

I dream of watching the sea with you,but I can not graso the unfathomable future;I dream of climbing the mountain together with you,but I feel completely in the dark on the ideal;I dream of living a vagrant life together eith you,but we can not reach the heaven;I dream of strolling around the streets,but we meet the policeman and he says

on't walk a dog.

老于 · 发表于 2008-1-15 09:18

小明上英文课时跟老师说：May I go to the toilet?
老师说：Go ahead.
小明就坐了下来。过了一会儿，小明又跟老师说：May I go to the toilet?
老师说：Go ahead.
小明又坐了下来。他旁边的同学于是忍不住问：你不是跟老师说要上厕所
吗？怎么不去？
小明说：你没听老师说「去你个头」啊！

老于 · 发表于 2008-1-15 09:21

一位来自日本的旅客，坐出租车去机场的路上，看到一辆汽车经过，就说：“oh，TOKOTA！Made in Japan! It is very fast！”又有一辆经过，他又说： “oh，NISSAN！Made in Japan! It is very fast！”司机有点不高兴，觉得他太吵了！当第三辆经过时，他还是说：“oh，HONDA！Made in Japan! It is very fast！”

后来到了机场，那个日本人就问：“How Much？”出租车司机说：“1000！”
日本人惊奇的问司机：“为什么那么贵？”出租车司机回答说：“oh，mileometer（计程表）！Made in Japan! It is very fast！”

老于 · 发表于 2008-1-15 09:22

领导视察精神病院，病人都欢呼致意，只有一病人不理不睬。领导：“他为什么不对我打招呼？”院长：“抱歉，他今天精神很正常。”

A leader wae carrying an inspection in a phychosis hospital and all the patients but one cheerfully gave him a salute.So the leader asked:"why didn't he greet me?"The president answeres:"I am sorry,his mind returns to normal today."

老于 · 发表于 2008-1-15 09:23

某学生学习小提琴。这天打开琴盒，发现里面放着一把冲锋枪，遂大惊失色：坏了，我爸拿着我的提琴去银行了。
A student is learning how to play the violin.One day he opened the container of his violin but to find a submachine gun in it.His face turned pale and cried:"My father went to rob the bank with my violin."

老于 · 发表于 2008-1-15 09:23

某人丢了八辆自行车后，第九辆上了七道锁，并留了张条：看你如何偷！后来他发现车子多了一道锁，并有纸条：看你如何骑。
One man had already lost eight bicycles,so he locked hi sninth bicyclewuth seven locks and left a note saying:wait and see how you can steal again!Later he was surprised to find his bicycle having an extra lock with a paper:Wait and see how you can ride it.

哈哈哈哈 · 发表于 2008-1-15 18:17

Little Dick was interested in his father’s rapidly thinning hair. "Mummy,"he asked, "Why has Daddy such little hair?"
"Because,” said his mother, "he thinks so much, dear."
"Oh!"Said the boy, "and why have you such a lot, Mummy?"
　　　　　　　　
无法解答
小迪克对父亲头发日渐稀疏感到有趣.他问:"妈妈,爸爸的头发为什么这么稀少啊?"
妈妈回答说:"因为他太动脑筋了,亲爱的."
迪克接着问道:"噢!妈妈,那你为什么有这么多的头发呢?"

哈哈哈哈 · 发表于 2008-1-15 18:18

A rich man once asked a learned man, what was the reason that scientific men were often to be seen at the doors of the rich, though rich men were rarely seen at the doors of the learned. "It is,” replied the scholar, "because the man of science knows the value of riches, and the rich man does not always know the value of science."

知识的财富
有一回一个富人问一个学者:为什么常见有学问的人成为富人；富人却很少成为有学问的人. 学者答道:"这是因为有学问的人知道财富的价值,而富人总是不了解知识的价值."

哈哈哈哈 · 发表于 2008-1-15 18:19

One day, the teacher inquired of Peter:" How much is four minus four?" Peter was tongue-tied. The teacher got angry and said: "What a fool! You see, if I put four coins in your pocket, but there is a hole in your pocket and all of them leak out, now what is left in your pocket?" "The hole," replied Peter.
　　　　　　　　
四减四等于几？
一天，老师问彼得：“4减4等于几？”彼得张口结舌答不上来。
老师生气地说：“真笨！你想，我要是往你口袋里放四个硬币，而你的口袋上有个窟窿，硬币全漏掉了，那么，你衣袋里还剩下什么？”
“窟窿，”彼得答道。

哈哈哈哈 · 发表于 2008-1-15 18:22

While doing my shopping I heard a quarrel at the next counter. I went up and saw an old customer pointing at a slogan on the wall behind the young shop-assistant and saying.
“You’ll lose lot of customers if you don’t act according to your motto ‘Customers are our Gods’”.
“But I don’t believe in God,” the shop-assistant shouted.

我不信上帝
买东西时我听到前面柜台上有争吵。我走过去看到一位年老的顾客指着身后墙上挂着的标语说：“如果不按照‘顾客就是上帝’的宗旨做，你们就会失去很多的顾客。”
“但我不信仰上帝”，售货员大声反驳说。

英语每日一笑（天天更新）

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Pride and Poverty

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回复 76# 的帖子

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Unanswerable

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Learning and Riches

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4 - 4 = ？

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I don’t Believe in God