英语每日一笑（天天更新）

老于 · 发表于 2008-1-12 08:53

Wife to husband: you were so drunk last night that you insulted your boss.
Husband: piss on him!
Wife: you did and he fired you!
Husband: fuck him!
Wife: I did and you can go back to work tomorrow.

老于 · 发表于 2008-1-12 08:58

经典翻译
you don't bird me,I don't bird you

你不鸟我，我也不鸟你

老于 · 发表于 2008-1-12 08:59

经典翻译

you have seed I will give you some color to see see,brothers ！ together up ！

你有种，我要给你点颜色瞧瞧，兄弟们，一起上！

哈哈哈哈 · 发表于 2008-1-12 11:11

An 84-year-old retired stockbroker was admitted to our hospital's intensive-care unit, suffering from a peptic ulcer and shock from internal hemorrhage. As intravenous lines were started and fluid infused, his vital signs improved rapidly.
The nurses dramatically announced the blood-pressure readings, starting at the shock level
of 60 and increasing to '70...80...90'
There was no doubt about the patient's successful recovery when in the midst of their intonations, he suddenly yelled, When it gets to 110---SELL.'
　　　　　　　　
证券经济人
我们医院的特护部收治了一位84岁的退休证券经纪人，他患有消化系统溃疡，引发内出血而休克。随着静脉注射管的架起，药液的注入，它很快现实复苏的迹象。
护士们戏剧性的宣读他的血压读数。从休可时的60，增加到“70...80...90...。”
毫无疑问，病人已成功的抢救过来了，就在这时，在护士们的吟诵中，他突然叫道，“等到110时，抛出。”

cady · 发表于 2008-1-12 16:23

Two cannibals, a father and son, were elected by the tribe to go out and get something to eat. They walked deep into the jungle and waited by a path. Before long, along came this little old man.

The son said, "Ooh dad, there's one."

"No," said the father."There's not enough meat on that one to even feed the dogs. We'll just wait."

Well, a little while later, along came this really fat man. The son said, "Hey dad, he's plenty big enough."

"No," the father said. "We'd all die of a heart attack from the fat in that one. We'll just wait."

About an hour later, here comes this absolutely gorgeous woman . The son said, "Now there's nothing wrong with that one dad. Let's eat her."

"No," said the father. "We'll not eat her either."

"Why not?" asked the son.

"Because, we're going to take her back alive and eat your mother."

cady · 发表于 2008-1-12 16:24

个人很喜欢老于的，精辟！

老于 · 发表于 2008-1-12 16:26

原帖由 cady 于 2008-1-12 16:24 发表
个人很喜欢老于的，精辟！

真的??? 呵呵我太感动了

老于 · 发表于 2008-1-12 16:28

Wife talking to her husband (who reads newspaper all day): I wish I were a newspaper so I'll be in your hands all day.
Husband: I wish that too, so I could change you daily

这个帖子为什么没人理???

哈哈哈哈 · 发表于 2008-1-12 17:19

因为你们都是花心大萝卜

JIMZ · 发表于 2008-1-13 01:53

原帖由老于于 2008-1-12 16:28 发表
Wife talking to her husband (who reads newspaper all day): I wish I were a newspaper so I'll be in your hands all day.
Husband: I wish that too, so I could change you daily

这个帖子为什么没人理 ...

Lao Yu, congratulation! You could have about 18250 wives if you change you wife daily for 50 years. As a sample & simplification, here assume you change you wife from 28 years old and until 78 years old…

It’s really not bad. Brother you up first. I think everybody will support you. And then we all brothers together up later...

[ 本帖最后由 JIMZ 于 2008-1-13 02:11 编辑 ]

哈哈哈哈 · 发表于 2008-1-13 08:33

A Scotchman when in London lost a five-dollar bill out of his pocket, and while he was looking for it a policeman came and asked him: "What are you doing there?” The Scotchman told him and the policeman said: "Leave your address, and if I find it, I shall send it to you."
A year after the Scotchman returned to London and passed the place where he had lost his five dollars. As many workers were busy building the underground railway, the whole of the street was up. "Dear me,” he said to himself, "Why has the policeman taken all that trouble to find my five dollars?"

苏格兰人
一个苏格兰人在伦敦时,一张五美元的纸币从他口袋里掉了出来.当他正在寻找时,一位警察走过来问他:"你在那儿干什么?"苏格兰人告诉了他,警察说:"留下你的地址,假如我找到了,会给你送上的."
一年以后,这位苏格兰人又来到伦敦,又经过了他曾掉落纸币的地方.当时许多工人正在忙于建造地铁,整条街道都翻了个儿.苏格兰人自言道:"哎呀!这个警察为什么要这么费事地去寻找我的五个美元呢?"

老于 · 发表于 2008-1-13 11:09

A woman goes to England to attend a 2-week company training session. Her husband drives her to the airport and wishes her to have a good trip.
The wife answered: Thank you honey, what would you like me to bring for you?
The husband laughed and said: An English girl!!!
The woman kept quiet and left. Two weeks later he picked her up in the airport and asked: So honey, how was the trip?
The wife: Very good, thank you.
The husband: And, what happened to my present?
The wife: Which present?
The husband: What I asked for: the English girl?
The wife: Oh, that! Well, I did what I could; now we have to wait a few months to see if it’s a girl!!!
老公要流鼻血

老于 · 发表于 2008-1-13 11:11

A couple goes to an art gallery. They find a picture of a naked woman with only her privates covered with leaves. The wife doesn 't like it and moves on, but the husband keeps looking. The wife asks, "What are you waiting for? "
The husband replies, "autumn. "

老于 · 发表于 2008-1-13 11:13

The Doctor Knows Better
A man was hit by a cab in the street. He was brought to the hospital. His wife who was standing up by his bed, said to the doctor: "I think that he is very ill." "I am afraid that he is dead."said the doctor,
Hearing this, the man moved his head and said: "I'm not dead. I'm still alive." "Be quiet, "said the wife. "the doctor knows better than you!"

老于 · 发表于 2008-1-14 07:50

某人刻苦学习英语，终有小成。一日上街不慎与一老外相撞，忙说：I am sorry.
老外应道：I am sorry too.
某人听后又道：I am sorry three.
老外不解，问：What are you sorry for?
某人无奈，道：I am sorry five. 　

老于 · 发表于 2008-1-14 07:52

I went to the cinema the other day and in the front row was an old man and with him was his dog.It was a sad funny kind of film, you know the type.In the sad part, the dog cried his eyes out, and in the funny part, the dog laughed its head off.This happened all the way through the film.After the film had ended, I decided to go and speak to the man.
"That‘s the most amazing thing I‘ve seen," I said."That dog really seemed to enjoy the film."
The man turned to me and said, "Yeah, it is.He hated the book."

老于 · 发表于 2008-1-14 07:54

A man goes to church and starts talking to God.
He says: "God, what is a million dollars to you?"
and God says: "A penny",
then the man says: "God, what is a million years to you?"
and God says: "a second",
then the man says: "God, can I have a penny?"
and God says "In a second"

老于 · 发表于 2008-1-14 07:57

Bush got something wrong with his brain.
After medical examination, doctor tells him:
Your brain has two parts: one is left, and another is right.
Your left brain has nothing right,
Your right brain has nothing left.

bush 名字为布什

老于 · 发表于 2008-1-14 08:01

A woman called the Canon help desk with a problem with her
printer. The tech asked her if she was "running it under
Windows." The woman responded, "No, my desk is next to the
door. But that's a good point. The man sitting in the
cubicle next to me is under a window, and his is working
fine."

老于 · 发表于 2008-1-14 08:06

At midnight father saw that his married son leaving home...
He asks him: what are you doing?
The son replied: Dad I am fed up with my life! My newly marriage is not going well, my wife and my mom keep fighting with each other! I have to pay bills for my in-laws, and I hate this life!!! I want to go far from here, I want to taste every joy of life, and I want to have every fun of life!!!
Father said: Wait!!!!!!!! I am coming with you

me  too

英语每日一笑（天天更新）

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Stockbroker

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一个老掉牙的笑话，拿来练练阅读。

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回复 68# 的帖子

Lao Yu, support you...

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A Scotchman

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