英语每日一笑（天天更新）

JIMZ · 发表于 2008-1-4 09:11

Peter called his doctor's office for an appointment.
"I'm sorry," said the receptionist, "we can't fit you in for at least two weeks."
"But I could be dead by then!"
"No problem. If your wife lets us know, we'll cancel the appointment. "

彼得打电话到医生的办公室去预约门诊。
“对不起，”接待员说，“我们只能给你定在二周以后了。”
“但二周以后我可能已经死了。”
“不要紧。到时假如你太太通知我们的话，我们就会取消门诊预约的。”

哈哈哈哈 · 发表于 2008-1-4 10:57

Teacher: What is the consequence of the breaking up of the former Soviet Union?
Student: It means that we have more names of new countries to remember.
　　　　　　　　
要记的更多
教师：“前苏联解体的后果是什么？”
学生：“意味着我们又有一些新的国家名字需要记。”

哈哈哈哈 · 发表于 2008-1-5 09:09

After an English businessman invited a bank president to dinner, he surprisingly found that there was a decrease of 110 pounds in his bank account. When he inquired, he was told that besides the bill he paid for the meal, he must pay the bank president compensation for the two hours and forty minutes he spent on the dinner.

时间就是金钱
一名英国商人请一位银行经理吃了一顿午餐后惊讶地发现，他的银行帐单上增加了一笔110英镑的支出。当他去询问时，被告诉说，他在付了午餐费后，还要为银行经理花的2小时40分钟的时间支付报酬。

老于 · 发表于 2008-1-5 11:53

鸟在笼中，恨关羽不能张飞；人处世上，要八戒更须悟空。
八戒是WHAT?

cady · 发表于 2008-1-5 13:12

怎么回帖回不上？郁闷

哈哈哈哈 · 发表于 2008-1-5 13:54

一戒杀生,二戒偷盗,三戒淫邪,四戒妄语,五戒引酒,六戒着香华,七戒坐卧高广大床,八戒非时食。
简单点就是戒烟、酒、赌、嫖，不骂人，不打架，不吃荤，不害人，八戒你明白了没？

再加上一条，这里是每日一笑，戒郁闷。

JIMZ · 发表于 2008-1-5 23:58

有这八戒 (戒烟、酒、赌、嫖，不骂人，不打架，不吃荤，不害人) 的不会是人，而是神！！！

哈哈哈哈 · 发表于 2008-1-6 09:51

Visiting friends in California, I was impressed when their dog went outside to retrieve the morning newspaper. My friend praised his dog for her efforts and said to me, now if we could just teach her to read, she brought back the Oakland Tribune, and we subscribe to the San Francisco Chronicle.”
　　　　　　　　
狗的错
我到加州访友，对他们家狗出去取报印象很深。我的朋友很赞赏狗的作用。他对我说，“要是我能教狗认字该多好呀。她刚才取回来的是《奥克兰论坛报》，而我家订的是《旧金山报》。

哈哈哈哈 · 发表于 2008-1-7 10:18

Mommy, why do you have so many gray hairs?
I expect it's because you are so naughty and cause me so much worry.
Oh-- you must have been terrible to Grandma.
　　　　　　　　
母与女
妈妈，你为什么有这么多白头发？
我想这都是因为你太淘气让我着急。
噢--你肯定让姥姥很受不了。

JIMZ · 发表于 2008-1-7 14:14

Jake was dying. His wife sat at the bedside. He looked up and said weakly: 'I have something I must confess.'
'There's no need to, 'his wife replied.
'No,' he insisted, 'I want to die in peace. I slept with your sister, your best friend, her best friend, and your mother!'
'I know,' she replied, 'now just rest and let the poison work.'

安静地躺着。。。
杰克将要死了。他的妻子住在床边。他看了看并虚弱地说：“我有一些事情要坦白。”
“没有必要了。” 他的妻子回答。
“不，” 他坚持说道，“我想安详地死去。我和你妹妹、你最好的朋友、你最好的朋友的好朋友、你母亲都睡过。”
“我知道了，” 她回答，“现在你就安静地躺着等着毒药发作吧。”

哈哈哈哈 · 发表于 2008-1-8 14:46

“In my office, I just can’t win!” lamented the psychiatrist’s secretary. “If I come to work early, I' m anxious. If I'm on time, I'm compulsive, if I'm late, I’m hostile……”
　　　　　　　
做人太难
“在我的办公室里，我没有对的时候！”一位心理学家的秘书诉苦说。“如果我上班早，说我迫不急待，上班准点，说我勉强工作，上班迟到说我心怀不满……”。

哈哈哈哈 · 发表于 2008-1-9 09:27

Frank believed that five was his special number. He was born on May 5, had five children and lived at 555 East 55 Street. At the track on his 55th birthday, he was surprised to find a horse named Numero Cinco running in the fifth race. So five minutes before the race, he went to the fifth window and put five thousand down on Numero cinco.
Sure enough, the horse finished fifth.

幸运数
弗兰克相信,5是他的幸运数。他生在５月５日，有５个孩子，住在东５５街５５５号．５５岁生日那天，他意外的发现，有一匹（西班牙语）叫五号的赛马将参加第五场赛马。因此，在比赛开始前５分钟，他到五号窗口，在＂五号＂赛马上押了五千美元。
果然，那匹马得了第五。

哈哈哈哈 · 发表于 2008-1-10 09:51

My mother often feeds pigeons in the park near her home in Portland, Maine. One day, as she fed the growing flock surrounding her, a man came over to her.“While you're feeding perfectly good bread to the birds,”he told mother angrily,“there are people starving in Africa.”
Mother, never one to back down from a fight, looked him in the eye and said, “I'm sorry, but I can't throw that far!"
　　　　　　　　
太远了
我母亲常在缅因州波特兰市她家附近的公园里喂鸽子。一天，正当她喂着身边越聚越多的鸽群时，一个男人向她走去。
“您将这么好的面包喂鸟，’他愤愤地对母亲说道，“而非洲却有人在挨饿。”
我母亲，一位从来也不会在斗争中退缩的人，瞪着他说道：
“很抱歉，可我没法扔那么远！”

cady · 发表于 2008-1-11 11:23

In ancient England people could not have sex unless they had consent of the king (unless they were in the Royal Family ). When people wanted to have a baby, they had to get the consent of the king, and the king gave them a placard that they hung on their door > while they were having sex. The placard had

F.U.C.K.

( Fornication Under Consent of the King) on it. Hence that's where the word Fuck came from.

cady · 发表于 2008-1-11 11:29

今天心情不好，来这边开开心！~

JIMZ · 发表于 2008-1-11 13:24

原帖由 cady 于 2008-1-11 11:29 发表
今天心情不好，来这边开开心！~

老兄，我今天心情也不好，不用在公开场合乱发泄，咱们找个地方去喝酒。

哈哈哈哈 · 发表于 2008-1-11 14:28

A lady employed a maid-servant being very stupid. She asked her to send a letter, saying: "Go posting this letter, Betty, on which the stamp was already placed, I'm afraid the letter will be overweight. If it is, place the other penny stamp on it.” Ten minutes later, Betty returned. The hostess asked her, "Did you post my letter?" "Yes, I did, Madam.” answered Betty. "I hope you didn't place another stamp on the letter that it would not cover up the address." "Oh, no, madam, I didn't I placed the second stamp just on the first stamp.” said Betty.

贴邮票
一位太太雇了一个愚蠢的女仆.一次她对女仆说:"贝蒂,把这封信寄掉,信封上已经贴了邮票,但我怕信超重.如果真超重,你把另一张一便士的邮票贴上去." 十分钟后,贝蒂回来了.女主人问她:"你把我的信寄了吗?"贝蒂回答说:"寄了,太太.""我希望你没有在贴另一张邮票时盖住了信封上的地址.""喔!不,太太,我把第二枚邮票贴在第一枚的上面了."贝蒂说.

JIMZ · 发表于 2008-1-11 14:59

A Mom comes to visit her son Peter for dinner...who lives with a girl roommate Jessica.

During the course of the meal, his mother couldn't help but notice how pretty Peter's, roommate was.

She had long been suspicious of a relationship between the two, and this had only made her more curious. Over the course of the evening, while
watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between Peter and his roommate than met the eye. Reading his mom’s thoughts, Peter volunteered, 'I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Jessica and I are just roommates.'

About a week later, Jessica came to Peter saying, 'Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the silver chutney jar.

You don't suppose she took it, do you?' Peter said: "Well, I doubt it, but I'll email her, just to be sure.'

So he sat down and wrote:

Dear Mother,

I'm not saying that you 'did' take the chutney jar from my house, I'm not saying that you 'did not' take the chutney jar. But the fact remains that it has been missing ever since you were here for dinner.

Love,
Peter

Several days later, Peter received an email from his Mother which read,

Dear Son:

I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with Jessica, and I'm not saying that you do not' sleep with Jessica. But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her OWN bed, she would have found the chutney jar by now under the pillow...

Love,
Mom.

Lesson of the day: Don't Lie to Your Mother....

老于 · 发表于 2008-1-12 08:50

Wife talking to her husband (who reads newspaper all day): I wish I were a newspaper so I'll be in your hands all day.
Husband: I wish that too, so I could change you daily

啊哈哈哈哈  我喜欢

老于 · 发表于 2008-1-12 08:51

A little boy asked his father: Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?
The father replied: I don 't know son. I 'm still paying!!

呵呵  艘读有???

英语每日一笑（天天更新）

看病门诊预约

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More to Remember

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Time Is Money

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回复 44# 的帖子

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Dog’s Mistake

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Mother and Daughter

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Just rest and ...

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Too Hard

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Lucky Number

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It’s too far

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de关于FUCK的由来

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Placing Stamps on a Letter

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Lesson of the day....

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