英语每日一笑（天天更新）

老于 · 发表于 2008-1-24 09:02

A Silly Father

Mr. White was watching TV when his eight-year-old son came into the room. He cried, "Father, my grandpa just now slapped me in the face." Hearing that, Mr. White became very angry. And then he suddenly boxed his own ears heavily and said," You beat my son and I dare to beat yours."

傻爸爸

　　怀特先生在房间里看电视，他八岁的儿子走进来哭着说：“爸爸，刚才爷爷打了我一耳光。”怀特先生听了非常生气，突然，他重重地扇了自己一耳光，说：“你打我儿子，我也敢打你儿子。”

benben89 · 发表于 2008-1-24 09:02

A daughter came home and asked, “Daddy,

can you write in the dark?” Her father said,

“I think so; what do you want me to write?”

“Oh, just your name on this report card!”

一个小女孩回家以后问爸爸说：‘您可以在黑暗中写字吗？’

爸爸回答：‘应该可以。你要我写什么？’‘

喔，只要在这张成绩单上签名就行了！

benben89 · 发表于 2008-1-24 09:03

都是9点2分为什么你在我前面

老于 · 发表于 2008-1-24 09:03

He Swore to Die

"If you refuse to marry me," he swore, "I shall die."

She refused him.

Sixty years later, he died.

他曾发誓要死

“如果你不答应嫁给我，”他发誓，“我就要去死。”

六十年后，他死了。

老于 · 发表于 2008-1-24 09:03

Goethe's Tolerance

Goethe was once strolling on a narrow path in a park in Weimar. As luck would have it, he met with a critic who was hostile to him. Both of them stopped, staring at each other. Then the critic said.

"I will never make way for a fool."

"But I will," with that Goethe retreated aside.

歌德的容忍

　　有一次，歌德在魏玛一个公园的小路上散步。那条小路很窄，偏偏遇上了一个对他心存敌意的评论家。他们都停下来看着对方。评论家开口了：

“我从来不会给一个傻瓜让路。”

“但我会。”说完，歌德退到一旁。

老于 · 发表于 2008-1-24 09:04

Your Coat Is on Fire

The master, to impress on his pupils the need of thinking before speaking, told them to count fifty before saying anything important, and one hundred if it was very important.

The next day he was speaking, standing with his back to the fire, when he noticed several lips moving rapidly. Suddenly the whole class shouted: "Ninety-eight, ninety-nine, a hundred. Your coat is on fire, sir!"

您的大衣着火了

　　老师为了让学生记住先思考后发言，告诉他们在说出重要事情之前先数到50，如果是特别重要的事情，要先数到100。

　　第二天，当老师背靠着火炉讲课时，发现好几个学生的嘴唇在很快地不停地动。突然，全班学生一起喊道：“九十八，九十九，一百。老师，您的大衣着火了！”

benben89 · 发表于 2008-1-24 09:05

我在纳闷你今天怎么没来
那瞬间你就按了CTRL+ENTER

老于 · 发表于 2008-1-24 09:06

[quote]原帖由 benben89 于 2008-1-24 09:03 发表

都是9点2分为什么你在我前面

[/quote

我的手比你得快

benben89 · 发表于 2008-1-24 09:06

In a hospital for mentally disturbed people, when
the doctor walked into the room of a patient, he
saw him dangling from the ceiling. Being frightened,
he called the nurse to come and pull him down for
fear that the man might fall to his death. The nurse
said: "Doctor, every day this patient thinks that he
is a lamp, therefore, he often hangs from the ceiling!"
The doctor said: "No, you have to pull him
down at once; otherwise, he'll die if he falls down."
After a pause, the nurse answered:
"But the light will go out after I pull him down!

一家智障的病院里，医师走进一个病人的房间，
发现病人正吊在天花板上晃来晃去，医师怕病人
会摔死，叫护士赶紧把病人拉下来。护士说：
「医生，这个病人每天都认为自己是一盏灯，
所以常常把自己吊在天花板上。」
医师说：「不行，你还是得马上把他拉下来，
免得他摔死。」护士停顿了一下，
说：「可是，如果我把他拉下来，灯不就熄了吗？

老于 · 发表于 2008-1-24 09:07

原帖由 benben89 于 2008-1-24 09:05 发表
我在纳闷你今天怎么没来
那瞬间你就按了CTRL+ENTER

哈哈这也算个笑话

老于 · 发表于 2008-1-24 09:09

I Could Do It Slower

Patient: What do you charge for pulling a tooth?

Dentist: Fifty dollars.

Patient: Fifty dollars for a couple of minutes' work?

Dentist: Well, I could do it slower, if you like.

我可以干得慢一些

病人：拔一颗牙收费多少？

牙医：50美元。

病人：只几分钟的活儿就要50美元？

牙医：好的，如果你喜欢的话，我可以干得慢一些。

老于 · 发表于 2008-1-24 09:09

Are They Worn Out?

"No," growled the quartermaster, "you can't have a new pair of shoes. The pair you have aren't worn out."

"Not worn out," cried the recruit, " Why, if I step on a dime I can feel if it's head or tails."

还没穿破？

“不行，”军需官大声说：“你不能领一双新鞋子，你穿着的那双还没有穿破。”

“没穿破，”新兵叫道：“为什么？如果我踩到一个一角硬币，我可以知道踩着的那面是公还是字。”

老于 · 发表于 2008-1-24 09:10

Is He Dying?

A man was sitting in a bar with tears streaming down his face. A friend walked in and asked why he was so unhappy. The weeping one said, "The doctor has just told me I'll have to take these tablets for the rest of my life."

Cheerfully, his friend pointed out that many people have to take tablets every day of their life. "Sure," came the reply, "but he only gave me ten."

他就要死了吗？

　　一个男人坐在酒吧里痛哭流泪。一个朋友走进来问他为何如此伤心。那人哭着说：“刚才医生告诉我，在我的余生里都要吃这些药片。”

　　他的朋友很轻松地指出，许多人一辈子每天都要吃药。“当然，”男人回答说：“但是他只给了我十片。”

老于 · 发表于 2008-1-24 09:12

Talking on the Telephone

Each Sunday the minister called the children to the front of the church while he told them a story. Once he brought a telephone to better illustrate the idea of prayer.

"You talk to people on the telephone and don't see them on the other end of the line, right?" he began. The children nodded yes. "Well, talking to God is

like talking on the telephone. He's on the other end, but you can't see him. He is listening though."

Just then a little boy piped up and asked, "What's his number?"

在电话中交谈

　　每个星期天牧师都会把孩子们叫到教堂前面，然后给他们讲一个故事。一天，他为了更好地阐述祈祷的含义，带来了一台电话机。

　　“你们和别人在电话里交谈，并没有看到电话线另一端的人，对吗？”他开始问道。孩子们点头称是。“好的，和上帝交谈就象通过电话交谈一样。他就在另一端，虽然你看不见他，但是他正在聆听你的心声。”

　　就在这时，一个小男孩尖着嗓子问道：“那他的电话号码是什么？”

老于 · 发表于 2008-1-24 09:12

Contented Married Life

A man was telling one of his friends the secret of his contented married life, "My wife makes all the small decisions," he explained, "and I make all the big ones, so we never interfere in each other's business and never get annoyed with each other. We have no complaints and no arguments."

"That sounds reasonable," answered his friend sympathetically. "And what sort of decisions does your wife make?"

"Well," answered the man, "she decides what jobs I apply for, what sort of house we live in, what furniture we have, where we go for our holidays, and things like that."

His friend was surprised. "Oh?" he said. "And what do you consider important decisions then?"

"Well," answered the man, "I decide who should be Prime Minister, whether we should increase our help to poor countries, what we should do about the atom bomb, and things like that."

老于 · 发表于 2008-1-24 09:13

令人满意的婚姻生活

　　一个男人告诉他的朋友自己婚姻幸福美满的秘密，“小事都由我妻子决定，”他解释说：“而我只管大事，我们从不互相干涉，从不生对方的气。我们从来没有抱怨、没有争吵。”

　　“听起来很有道理，”他的朋友深有同感，“有哪些事情由你妻子作决定呢？”

　　“嗯，”那个人回答说：“她决定我申请什么工作，我们住什么房子，买什么家具，去哪里度假这些事情。”

　　他的朋友很惊奇的问道：“哦？那么你决定哪些重要事情？”

　　“嗯，”他回答：“我决定谁来当首相，我们是否要增加对贫困国家的援助，怎么处理原子弹等等这些问题。”

老于 · 发表于 2008-1-24 09:14

1．You've Lost

On her return from school，little Dolly，aged ten，was pulled on to her Daddy's knee，and informed that the fairies had that day brought a big surprise a little baby brother．She see med glad，and presently said：

“Will you give me a stamp，daddy？I want to write and tell brother Tom．”

The father was touched by this，and provided the little lass with the materials to write a letter to her brother，who was away at school．Later，curious to know how she would tell the news，he took an opportunity to read what she had writen．He received something of a shock on reading the following：

“Dear Tom，

“It's come off today．You've lost；it's a boy．”

1．你输了

放学回到家里，十岁的小多莉被拉过来坐在她爸爸的膝上，她被告知那天仙女们带来了一个大大的惊奇——一个婴儿小弟弟。她似乎很高兴，马上说：

“爸爸，你能不能给我一张邮票？我要写信告诉汤姆哥哥。”

父亲被这话感动了，他为小姑娘提供了给她哥哥写信所需的各种用具，她的哥哥住在学校里。后来，想知道她是怎么报告这个消息的，他找机会读了她写的信。在读到下面这两行字时，他差点儿惊呆了：

“亲爱的汤姆：

“今天结果出来了，你输了；是个男孩。”

老于 · 发表于 2008-1-24 09:16

4．Paddy

There was a small boy who had been given a little terrier for his very own，on which he bestowed the name of Paddy，and loved mightily．He was very saddened by the fact that he could not take his pet away with him on his holidays，which he was spending with some relatives in the country．

Whilst he was away Paddy's young life was cut short by an unfortunate adventure with a motor．The boy's mother feared he would take the news very hardly on his return；she broke it very gently，therefore，and was rather surprised that the little lad did not seem much perturbed．Later，however，she heard him weeping lustily in his bed．He was inarticulate with grief，but his brother explained that he was crying“about Paddy”．

“But，” said the mother，“I told him about it this morning，and he did not seem to mind！”

The brother explained，“yes，but he thought you said Daddy．”

4．帕蒂

从前有一个小男孩，他得到了一条完全属于他自己的小猎狗。他给小狗取名帕蒂，对它宠爱万分。他要到乡下一些亲戚家去度假，可又不能带上他的宠物，为此他很伤心。

他不在家的时候，帕蒂在一次不幸的车祸中失去了年轻的生命。男孩的母亲怕他回家时听到这个消息太难过；因此她相当小心地把这个消息透露给他，而颇为令人惊讶的是小伙子看起来并不怎么在意。可是，后来她听见他在床上哭得死去活来。他伤心得说不出话来，但是他的哥哥解释说他在“为帕蒂”痛哭。

“可是，”这位母亲说：“我今天早晨告诉他了，他好像根本不在乎啊！”

他哥哥解释说：“是的，可他以为你说的是爸爸。”

老于 · 发表于 2008-1-24 09:18

5．What Are The Two Words？

A very nice old lady had a few words to say to her granddaughter．“My dear，” said the old lady，“I wish you would do something for me．I wish you would promise me never to use two words．One is‘lousy’and the other is‘swell’．Would you promise me that？

“Why，sure，Granny，”said the girl．“What are the two words？”

5．是哪两个词？

一个非常高贵的老夫人有几句话要对她的孙女说。“我亲爱的，”老夫人说：“我希望你能帮我一个忙。我要你答应永远不要用两个词。一个是‘讨厌的’，另一个是‘极好的’。你能答应我吗？”

“噢，当然，奶奶。”女孩说：“是哪两个词？”

老于 · 发表于 2008-1-24 09:19

6．Ask Your Own

It was a cold，raw day at Washington．Champ Clark was discussing the gamins of the cities with an English visitor．The latter expatiated on the wit of the London type of the genius．Clark declared that if the Englishman were to ask any Washington street urchin any question，the urchin would make anaptreply．They sallied forth．

“What time is it，Bub？They tell me you can tell time by your nose，”said the visitor to the first newsboy they met．

“Ask your own，mister，mine ain't run nin’，”was the reply．

6．问问你自己的吧

这是华盛顿的一个阴冷天。钱普·克拉克正和一个来访的英国人讨论城市的流浪儿，英国人详细地叙述着伦敦式天才的机智。克拉克宣称，要是对方向华盛顿街上任何一个儿童提任何问题，那孩子都会对答如流。他们便出发了。

“什么时候了，小兄弟？人们说你能用鼻子报时。”

回答是：“先生，问问你自己的吧，我的不在走呢。”

英语每日一笑（天天更新）

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